Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Write

Well, I wouldn't call this a morning post, but, it is afternoon, and I've decided to "show up" here today. That's the thing with writing. Sometimes I don't want to do it. My insides kick and scream. I get tired, wiggly, and uncomfortable - not because I am, but because these feelings have proved to be successful techniques of avoidance in the past. Not today, I'm going to write anyway, even though I wonder if I have anything of interest to share. So, why put up the fight with myself? Why write, especially when I don't want to? Here are some thoughts I will spill out for you. I think it takes a great amount of courage and perspective to love yourself. And, I think you must love yourself in order to be yourself, to be open and truthful from moment to moment, and to allow yourself to take an idea all the way. That's why writing can feel so daunting and scary. Perhaps it's because I'm afraid I wont be true. So, I'm finding ways to practice writing, not because it will be towards some great end, but because it will just be a way of life. I use spiral bound, single subject notebooks for my free and often times sloppy writing. I write my more put together ideas in my pretty journal. And, this blog? Well, I think I'm still trying to figure that one out even though I'm on my 100+ post. It's been a fun show-and-tell, but I'm wondering how things might evolve. I'm letting myself play, experiment, try new things, it's practice after all. I write for peace. I write for sorting, sifting, processing, venting, wanting, releasing, celebrating, questioning, and naming. I write to pay attention, to take note of the details that make up the texture of life. I write to let go and empty out. I write to remember, to see where I am, to imagine where I might be going. It seems to me that it might be worth the fight, and with practice I wonder if the fight might fade. I write for courage, perspective, and love.

2 comments:

Hatsuho said...

that was beautiful! You have a wonderful way of capturing your thoughts in writing.

Jessie said...

Ditto. I feel so vulnerable posting a blog sometimes, and then I think: If I don't like the feeling, why do I still post it?
Good perspective for us all, Ms. Starr. And I think you're a lovely writer.